Thinking too much and overthinking everything
My mind is always full
Not only in the sense of “I think too much of all possibilities” but also in “I'm thinking about 5 things at the same time”. I’m telling you, it’s a mess. Sometimes my mind is so busy I feel like I’m not even thinking at all, like all the loud voices became a background noise.
This is a problem when I want to write. I keep getting distracted with off topics and tangents. My first draft of anything always ends up looking like a flow of thoughts. Confused, disorganized, and too long. I really wanted to write shorter posts, but it’s difficult.
I’m doing it right now, I didn’t even touch my initial idea.
I was writing a post about how I didn’t see myself as a “matured person” or an “adult”, in the middle of it, I started to develop a paragraph about my asexuality and how it affects me as a woman. I cut it out and decided to use this idea for another post. In the end I don’t think I will post either.
My mind developed two topics at once, and, in the end, it decided none was good enough. I thought too much just to overthink in the end.
This is why I have many drafts and very few posts.
Just one funny thing. While I was thinking about it and trying to develop this rant in a coherent manner, I remembered something, a dream I had some time ago.
I met a man in my dream, he called me “My daughter” I asked his name, and he told me the name of an African god worshiped in a very popular religion in my country (which is weird since I don’t belong to it). But he was the god of cure and illness, and for the longest time I have felt something was wrong with me and my mind, so I asked, “What can I do to be better?” and he said, “You need to think less” a great wind took me away, and I woke up.
I know it kind of feels like this dream is out of place, but somehow I think it fits here.
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