How setting boundaries almost blinded an old lady
This story happened a while ago, but since I recently got some updates, I decided to share it here.
Well, it all started in June, on my mom's birthday. She isn't really into throwing parties or doing anything big, but the family was going through some rough things so she really wanted to get together with whoever she could.
That’s when my uncle (a sweetheart) and his wife (not so much of a sweetheart) showed up.
Being who I am, I avoided the party as much as I could. I said hello to everyone, but I ate alone in my room. That was all fine, but obviously, I went out for the "Happy Birthday", after all, it was my mom's birthday. Everything was good, as always, those sparkler candles wouldn't light for the life of them, but that’s usual.
The problem came with the photos. I don't really like them. I’m not very photogenic, I always end up with a forced smile, a bad angle, or looking fat. But there I was, smiling and taking photos with my mom and sister behind the cake. Then, out of nowhere, my uncle's wife (whom I’ve seen maybe 3 times in the last 10 years) decided to intrude.
It wasn't just that she wanted to hug me in the middle of the photos, it was that she tried to hug me without asking.
For some reason, older people have this annoying habit of trying to grab me and then getting upset when they find out they have to ask for permission to hug me.
That’s exactly what happened. When she came in for the hug, I was looking at the camera, so I was startled by arms suddenly grabbing me. I’m not big on hugging strangers, especially those who don't ask first, so I tend not to be very receptive and usually refuse right away (with the exception of children).
Since she startled me and tried to force physical contact while I was distracted and busy, I refused to hug her. An important detail: this was all happening in front of everyone, about thirty of our family members.
After that, thinking everything was fine, I went back to my room, but a while later, my mom showed up saying my uncle’s wife was crying and felt humiliated, and that I’d have to apologize. I didn't think I was in the wrong, but if she apologized for trying to hug me without asking, I’d apologize too.
But when the woman in question arrived at my room, she was sobbing uncontrollably and BLAMING >MY MOM< for not telling her I didn't like hugs. She was saying things like, "I’ve never felt so humiliated!" and "I’m never coming back to this house!" or "Why didn't you tell me she didn't like hugs?", among other things. At no point did she stop to consider that she was the one in the wrong for grabbing me without asking.
So, I didn't apologize either. I found it incredibly arrogant of her to blame everyone but herself. I closed the door and kept to myself.
Nothing major came of it.
Or so I thought.
The other day, my sister told me that during a phone call with my uncle, my mom realized he hadn't hung up, and she could hear him talking to his wife.
The undear woman was telling my uncle to let her know whenever my mom was coming to visit, because she didn't want to see my mom after the "humiliation." Not wanting to cause trouble, my mom decided not to visit for a while.
But my uncle realized she was making excuses to avoid going, and she had to confess that she’d overheard the call and didn't want to start a fight.
An important detail: my mom and my uncle are (practically) the only siblings in the family who aren't either: a) dead; b) senile; They really want to spend time together, and since my mom is younger, it’s easier for her to visit him. But now, the old lady is standing in the way.
And another thing. Apparently, my refusing to let her hug me came as such a shock to her that she cried enough to almost undo her eye surgery. It was apparently so serious that she had to get an injection that cost as much as the surgery itself, otherwise, she could have lost her sight.
A moral to the story? Consent matters.
Thanks for reading!
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